Working with Transgender Adults

I believe that everyone has the right to live in and express his or her conception of gender, regardless of their biological or “natal” sex.  I believe that because we naturally seek authenticity, we are driven to search out and claim who we truly are.  This quest sometimes leads to needing to embrace chemical and surgical procedures in order to align one’s gender identity with their physical body.  Anything short of this quest can mean a life that is partially or completely foreclosed.

For most people, their gender identity is not in conflict with their physical body, and the external world.  And so the thoughts about one’s gender, and the “rightness of that fit” never comes into consciousness.  I think that for gender variant people, their discomfort with the discord between their gender, their body and the world is a pervasive continuous struggle that has always been in conflict with absolutely every aspect of their life.

In my work with gender variance, I strive to provide a careful assessment of where someone is now in their gender comfort and what they need to do to be more “at home” with themselves.  The work on this journey entails time and careful consideration of all of the aspects that contribute to life now, knowing that road ahead can make many shifts and changes.  I work collaboratively with doctors, surgeons and psychiatrists as a “team.” 

When I work with someone questioning their gender expression, there are several areas that I (we) pay close attention to.  Here are a few:

• Issues of Childhood

• Issues of Grief

• Issues of Dealing With Friends and Family

• Issues of Employment

• Issues of Past and Current Sexuality

Full understanding of transitioning into the real world “full time” considering all of the pros and cons of things no one thought about like fertility issues, insurance issues, community issues, serving in the military, second “coming-out” issues and divorce issues.

Working with Parents of Transgender and Gender
Variant Children

In working with gender variant children, one really works with the child’s parents and family.  There is a lot of work to be done.  This work involves grief work primarily on the parent’s part.  It involves fighting for their child’s right to a safe education, setting up and working with coaches or other adults for their kid to join in other social recreational groups like scouts, or team sports.  Parents do this for one reason.  They love their children and want most of all for them to be happy.  Parents want their kids to play, have friends, do well in school, graduate high school, attend college, or get a job and find love. (which gives
them grandchildren).

When a beloved child tells his/her parents that everyone got it wrong and that they really are the opposite gender, the world collapses for a while.  Parents can’t stay collapsed for long.  There is work to be done.

It’s sort of a game of “ready or not.”  But there is help.  And believe it or not, parents aren’t in this boat alone.

Organizations like PFLAG, where parents and friends of Lesbians and Gays have been very accepting of parents of trans kids.  There are social groups for teens where homework could be worked on and teens meet each other and share their stories.  Depression lifts and
life resumes.

I work with parents and children.  I help parents walk through the labyrinth of getting concerns about school, put in place, how to tell friends and family, how to set up time frames and expectations.  Most important, who to go for medical intervention, including cross gender hormones.

It’s daunting, but do-able and I’ll help.